But I don't like SPAM!

Maybe I'm not being sympathetic enough to these poor wretches that lost out on their Carnival cruise vacation. And maybe for some of them it was the vacation of a lifetime.

However, could we have been a LITTLE MORE DRAMATIC about the whole situation?

The TV has been inundated by interviews with passengers while I'm here in San Diego, and I switch from laughing my ass off to banging my head against the wall.

To those of you who made lemonade out of lemons (albeit without ice, but with a whole bunch I rum I hope), GOOD FOR YOU.  Take your free trip in the future and enjoy the hell out of it.

To those of you who said:  I'm grateful to be alive.  Oh, give me a f-ing break.  How about you have a survivor's support group with the Chilean miners or those poor slobs that have been kidnapped by pirates. I'm sure they will be very sympathetic to your plight.

Miner: I was stuck underground for over 60 days.  When I finally came up they worried that I would have the bends and that my retinas would be damaged from not being exposed to light for so long.
Cruiser:  Oh yeah, well, I had to sit on a cruise ship with no airconditioning, the toilets broke and no midnight buffet for 72 hours. IT WAS HORRIBLE.

I, for one, would have freaking LOVED to have been there. But the only way you will get me on another Carnivore cruise is if I'm going with family members. And trust me, I know my family members, it would not have gone well, you would have found me deploying a life raft faster than an AirTran flight attendant who has decided to say take this job and shove it.  Don't mind me, I'll just paddle back to shore. But it's almost 200 miles.  That's okay, I'm good!

To our US military.  SPAM?!?  WTF, SPAM?  Jeezus, have you seen the demographic of the average cruise line passenger?  High sodium processed pig parts is NOT what they need. Did you think rescue would have been easier if half the passengers keeled over from massive coronaries first?

The moral of the story is, it could have been much, much worse folks, the ship could have sank.  A massive storm could have hit while you were dead in the water, things could have gone really wrong.

So, please, quitcher bitchin and move on.  Saddle up cowboys and cowgirls and go on another cruise, just think you'll be celebrities, I bet they even let you go through the midnight buffet first.