1. Parents of toddlers--we do not need the ginormous toddler yacht on the docks with 20,000 people. You are missing the point of the boat show. However, feel free to load that bad boy down with all your boat schwag and make sure your child has his 14 pt harness properly fastened and oh, make sure you and the spouse kick back a couple of Pain Killers while you are at it. You have noticed that here are no safety bumpers on the floating docks haven't you?
I think the Naval Academy boys have a SCUBA search and rescue, I'm sure they'll fish out your kid in time....maybe.
2. Backpack and cart people--Have you stopped to think that having your body extended about 18 inches in either way just might be a little annoying for the rest of the attendees? Well, I'm here to inform you that yes, yes it is. Especially, when you suddenly swing around because Catalina and Hunter are giving out new stickers. OH BOY! Some Painkillers for you also.
3. Namedroppers and no social grace folks--JUST SHUT UP. Really, you have no freaking business asking somebody why something wasn't finished/bought/displayed etc about somebody else just because you've heard of that person on the internet or read an article about them. It's been a hard year financially for a lot of people and they've had to put their dreams on pause. It's really NONE OF YOUR F-ING BUSINESS. You know how I know that you don't know certain people, because if you did...THEY WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU WHAT WAS GOING ON THEMSELVES! No painkillers for you, you are off the bus, leave. LEAVE NOW.
oh, I'm just getting warmed up now.
4. Assholes who think their personal cell phone conversation is more important than the seminar speaker's presentation. And for this, I'm not blaming one sex, I can say Assholette if that helps. I will warn you, you get one chance with me if I give you the stink eye. You get the hell out the room or you get to have the cell phone surgically removed. I hate to tell you people this, BUT YOU ARE NOT THAT F-ING IMPORTANT. And, if you really want to piss me off, make sure I hear loud and clear how the babysitter is doing with the dog and where you want to eat tonight, because I will hunt you down.
5. Just because I might share a drink with you, have a conversation, listen to some music. That does not make us new best friends. I will not friend you on Facebook, I will not follow your Tweets, and I certainly will not tolerate any asinine behavior to wait staff because I've been one--waitress, not asshole. My hat goes off to the people who have to deal with eight hour consumption of painkillers and still do it with a smile. I was trying to figure out how long it would be before I would add ground glass to the mix.
6. All you ladies with the kitten heels. Ah, nah, screw it, you are just too fun too watch at the end of the eve. Oh, my heel is caught, oh, I can't keep my balance. Help me honey. However, you twits are probably getting those private invites for cocktails and shit on the boats after hours....and I'm not.
Bonus points go to kitten heels and stroller combo.
AND WEST MARINE!!!! WTF!!!!! Are you serious? A sale on Boat Hooks, really, at the show. 20,000 people, half of which are now armed with a 5 ft boat hook sticking out of their stroller, backpack, cart, armpit, and yes back of their pants. (I'm still in therapy over that.) I'd boycott you if you weren't my happy place (and I think we have $200 in WestMarine bucks)
However, at the end of every night, I have this one particular balcony I go to, with my drink and smile down at all the little people, and it costs, but it's so worth it.
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| This does not suck |
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| Party at Pussers! |
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