Key West--Love it or Hate it--A Midwestern Conch's survival guide

There's this thing about Key West.  I have found people either love it...or they despise it.

We've been going to Key West since we've met and that's about 14 years now.  I always wanted to go there, it's a history buff's dream, Tim, well, I got two words for his desire. Jimmy. Buffett.

See where I'm going here? Me: History. Him: Margaritaville Mecca.

So, here's my 10 second guide to Key West.

1. Duval Street--Do it once, and said I got that checked off my list.
2. Southernmost Point--See above, however, bring your GPS and see if it truly is the most southermost point (BTW-it ain't-more on that later)
3. Mallory Square Sunset Festival--Yes.  The local arts and the buskers are totally worth it.  Go to the Westin and visit the Mojito Man in his vintage Woody.
4. The Mel Fisher Museum--Yes.
5. The Hemingway Museum/Audubon House/Little White House--Yes 
6. Wandering around getting lost and looking at the historical houses--Yes
7. Schooner Wharf Bar--Yes
8. Chart Room (Hidden in the Pier House Resort)--Yes
9. Almost any restaurant off of Duval--Yes
10. Restaurants on Duval--Only if you need to stave off a massive hangover
11. Margaritaville--If you have to.  Okay, I find it one of my favorite people watching areas and the bartenders have always been great. (That should keep me out of trouble with the Spouse)
12. Dry Tortugas by Ferry or Seaplane--Yes
13. Danger Charters Day Sail or Wind and Wine Sail--Yes
14. A sunset sail on one of the schooners--Yes (current favorites are Western Union and Adirondack)
15. Finding a locals bar and meeting somebody very knowledgeable about the area--priceless.
16. B.O.'s Fish Wagon--Yes.
17. Smather's Beach--Meh.  Make sure you have some sort of protective footwear for the water. There are only manmade beaches in Key West.
18. Art galleries (not the cheap souviner shit either)--the true art galleries--YES

So, I've known people who've gone to Key West and absolutely hated it.  Basically, because they stuck to the tourist guide.  And let me tell you, if you arrive in Key West when three cruise ships are in town and it's 80 degrees with 90% humidity, you most likely will not be overwhelmed by the place.

However, come into my world.  Stroll over to Sunday bruch at Blue Heaven and hear Mustafa and Brady play.  Or, go to Croissants de France for a wonderful European style breakfast.

Stop and listen to the Sunday morning services, it's actually quite pretty.

Wander along the lanes of Old Key West and look at the historic Conch Houses and feel the history.

Find a true blooded Conch and have him tell you the stories of 'the good old days'--and enjoy the ride.

Or, have a few drinks and get evil.

Laugh at the east coast Jersey Shore douchebags as they roll into town. Okay, Tony Soprano, it's called a shirt, put it on and cover that grotesque steroid induced puffiness you think is hot.  Amazingly enough, I don't see a lot of Snooki's, just the male douchebags.

Do the cruise ship slug bug.  

1 point if they have the 'I'm wearing a sticker give me a discount'. 

2 points if they have a new shirt from a caribbean island or cruise line. 

3 points if they are wearing matching outfits.  

4 points if they have rented one of those 4 seater bike wagons.  

Shoot the moon if they are standing in the MIDDLE of Mallory square and ask:  We want to go to Mallory Square, can you help us get there?  (usually, by that time, I'm half in the bag, and my husband will say look shiny things to me and then be the good samartin--cause I would have them all the way to Key Largo, yes I would)